so that wasnt chicken after all
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
