So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
