Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
