I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
