If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
