I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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