i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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