he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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