I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
