It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
