Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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