its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
