she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
