he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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