could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dignity is for republicans.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
