I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
