My brain says no but my pants say off.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
