When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize