i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My bed smells like the plague
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize