I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
