i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
