drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
