I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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