I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
