I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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