Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
