Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
