Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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