i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize