textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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