Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize