The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
