I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
