I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
