I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
