guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
