idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
