Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
