do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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