you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
