hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
