Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
