When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
