I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize