is this the sara with the beer cane?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
