My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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