I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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