do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
