I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so let's talk penis.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
