So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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