things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
