it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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