My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Where is the hickey?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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