no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
