Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
