I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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