I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
