The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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