i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
