i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
