What a fucking waste of an outfit
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
