I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
