I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
