census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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