Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
