so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize