omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
