I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
