Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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