my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
