just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
