Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize