Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
