The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
