Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
