How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
