just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
