Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
