We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
